Anticipation
by petals-to-fish
Summary: He knew the feeling in the pit of his stomach, the one that made him feel like he was simultaneously flying and falling all at once. He was in love with his best friend. (L/J fluffy canonverse one shot)


James Potter's mother told him once that people do not get to choose who to fall in love with.

 _"You'll just wake up one morning and realize you're in love."_

James doubted he'd fall in love so quickly and without expecting it. He was smart and he liked to think he knew himself well enough to know if he loved someone or not. Still, James always heeded his mothers words. Fate would have a hand on who he'd fall in love with and there was nothing he could do about it. Sometimes he wondered if he'd be able to know love when it hit him since he could fall for anyone based on his mum's theory. It could be the Ravenclaw that asked him to kiss her at that party in fifth year when they were both tipsy. Or it could be the pretty cashier at the quidditch shop who had snogged him behind the racks over the summer multiple times.

Or maybe, just maybe, it was the pretty red haired witch in his class.

The red haired witch with the almond shaped green eyes.

The one with the pale skin almost in a color akin to her namesake 'Lily'.

The one who, even on his worst days, always saw the best in James.

Lily was one of James' best friends, until she wasn't anymore. Now, she existed in James' mind as a girl who went from ' _just friends_ ' to ' _just complicated_ '. James wasn't really sure what they were anymore, but he knew something had changed between them because all he wanted to do was kiss her by the bookshelves and all he could do was stare at her when she was staring back at him.

Even now, Lily's eyes were unyielding from across the hallway they stood in together. She was always staring at him when she got the chance. James assumed she was assessing and determining how to make her moves in his direction amongst their other friends. The green around her pupils seemed sharp, even from across the small circle of Gryffindors. She had a mischievous curve to her lips and it shot shivers up his spine. She was not normally so bold in public, at least she hadn't been until last week.

She was still subtle enough that no one around them noticed their brooding stares. No one standing between the two in the hallway had any idea that Lily and James were anything more than friends. The two seventh year Head students purposely kept their infatuations and daydreams about each other away from the flapping lips of their fellow teenage witches and wizards. Unfortunately, they also kept their infatuation and daydreams from each other. James lied to himself and was adamant that they were just good friends.

… _best_ friends…

Lily bit her lip as her eyes searched his face and James felt his heart lurch.

They were best friends that could cut each other into pieces with just one look.

There were plenty of dark corners in Hogsmede where he could get caught up in the moment. There were plenty of chances to be more than just friends with her. James imagined what he'd say into her ear as he hooked her and led her away from the crowd of students acting as a wall between them. James imagined Lily's smile, so sharp in contrast to her soft features as he led her to the alleyway beside the sweet shops. He imagined her kiss, the soft kiss that made everything around James melt away to nothing.

She'd kissed him only once before but he'd savored the soft pull of her lips against his own every moment since. They'd both been drunk during a birthday party. He called her pretty and she spilled her wine out the side of her glass as she leaned into his space behind the bookcase. Her mouth had been playful against his own, offering him a fleeting tug to his lower lip. It was a fantasy so divine that James almost felt like he'd slipped into a dream when her tongue danced across his lips to taste the fire whiskey he'd been drinking.

He murmured her name against her lips in response and Lily pulled back, making everything stop. He almost kissed her again but his fist was squeezing the cup holding his firewhiskey because of nerves and the lights around them were blinding. Before he could make up his mind on whether to kiss her or not, Lily was suddenly dragged away by one of her friends to the makeshift dance floor by the fireplace. Before Lily left him though, her fingers had grazed his elbow, burning James' skin with the promise of something more to come.

He was still waiting for a continuation of their exploration of their feelings.

It had been almost a week and a half.

James was going mad.

 _Did she remember kissing him when they were both drunk?_

She had too. James noted the way she stared at him in classes that week.

 _Did she remember the way the lights shone down on them as they shared a look by the bookshelf?_

Now when he looked at her, she always seemed to glow, even in the dark.

 _Did she want him as badly as he wanted her?_

James was snapped from his reverie as Lily came to stand very close to him. James stared at her stupidly as she conversed with Sirius, asking James' best friend if he'd gotten the new Strokes album. Sirius said something witty about getting it the day before it came out as the entire group of seventh year Gryffindors moved towards the carriages that would take them into the small town outside of school. James walked behind Sirius and Lily, hands in his pockets, eyes trapped on the curve of her neck under the pretty red french braids on either side of Lily's head. When they stepped outside the morning sun peeking through the haze illuminated Lily's hair golden, like a halo. James felt his heart skip a beat as she laughed suddenly, throwing her head back, her infectious laughter catching in her throat as she clutched her stomach and doubled over.

James almost ran into her, he was so selfishly wishing she was laughing like that because of him. Her face was red and her eyes were covered by her hands as she stood up straight to glance his way through her fingertips. He wished he could see her laugh like that everyday of his life, it was so childlike and innocent.

"Don't you agree Prongs?" Sirius suddenly asked, catching James' attention and pulling it from Lily's wide grin.

"Huh?" James asked dumbly.

"Sirius thinks my hair makes me look like a milkmaid." Lily said in-between giggles, her hands lowering to gesture to her outfit.

James' eyes finally lowered and traced over her curves thirstily. Her dress was a solid blue color with a heavy material. Under the strapped sleeves she wore a purple buttoned shirt that was unbuttoned low enough to leave little to the imagination. James thought she looked amazing, nothing like a milkmaid. Sirius pulled on one of Lily's two braids playfully as James' eyes scanned the curve of her collar bone peeking out from under the outfit.

"Must be the braids." Sirius surmised as they waited in line for a carriage, "Who did your hair?"

"I did." Lily said, her fingers stroking along the braid, distracting James with the fluid movement.

"You'll have to do that to mine sometime." Sirius pointed to his long black hair tied behind his head, "I want to look like a milkmaid too."

Lily snorted again mirthlessly and glanced at James to see if he was laughing too. James flushed red and looked away from her as he realized he hadn't even been privy to their conversation…he'd been too busy staring at her breasts. Her shirt was unbuttoned just enough that he could see she was wearing a lace lined vest.

When he managed to pull his eyes back to her face she was smirking self-importantly.

She was teasing him, she had to be.

James cleared his throat, a silence settling between them all.

His eyes shot back up when everyone around them were definitely engaged in other conversations. Her eyes were deep green and she was only steps away from him. One long stride and he'd be up against her person. One short jump and he'd been able to trace the slight pout to her lower lip as she stared right back at him with a look he could only describe as desirous. James swallowed thickly as Lily's upper teeth caught her lower lip and her eyes left his face to travel down his body appreciatively.

James was thankful that Sirius took that precise moment to point out an empty carriage…if Sirius hadn't of broke through his silent pining, James was certain he'd of thrown caution to the wind and snogged Lily right then and there. He drew a breath of relief as he climbed into the carriage behind Sirius but he was caught mid sigh as he sat down when she climbed up next to him. They're eyes caught each other again as she sat down next to him, their shoulders bumping her hand brushing against his as she readjusted to make room for Peter on her other side.

"Sorry." she murmured but he didn't think she meant it since she kept her hand resting on her lap right beside his hands.

James' hands were curled up in desperate fists, his resolve shaking every second he sat near her. Lily's friend Anna Faith sat across from her and Anna thankfully struck up a conversation with Lily about some Slug Club meeting. Lily leaned forward to speak with Anna in a authoritative tone. James breathed in slowly before breathing out, quivering as Lily's knee knocked against his. His breath out must've been longer than he'd thought because Lily's cheek turned and she curved a special smile his way.

"Bored?" she quipped.

James tried to stay cool, thought around Lily he turned to putty, "Nah," he leaned into his hair to feign a relaxed state, "Just excited for the sweets shop."

"Going to get a shipping box of chocolate frogs again?"

"Ha. Ha." James laughed sarcastically, "No, of course not."

Lily was teasing him about the last Hogsmede trip, the one where he'd bought and ate an entire container of chocolate frogs in two hours. Of course, he'd spent the other two hours of the trip complaining of a bad stomach ache. Lily and Remus had all only laughed as him—unhelpful in his qualms against the chocolate rushing through his bloodstream. It wasn't until James threw up on the side of the road after downing a butter beer that Lily showed a small bit of sympathy and got James a water from inside the bar. James couldn't even _think_ about chocolate frogs (let alone smell them) for weeks after. Lily had given him a box over summer as a gag gift but James hadn't touched a single one of the gifted frogs.

James told Lily that he hadn't opened her gift and she looked unsurprised, "I figured you wouldn't be able to eat them but I wanted to get you something to make you laugh."

Even the fact that she'd thought of him over the summer made his stomach roll in ways similar to the way it had rolled when he'd eaten thirty chocolate frogs in a row on a dare. James' fingernails pressed into his palm as he stared down into Lily's impish gaze.

"I don't know if I ever thanked you," James said softly and she spotted a slight blush enter her cheeks, "I did open the letter. It was sweet."

"Sweet like chocolate?" she tried to keep the conversation light and airy.

"Sweeter than chocolate." he replied stupidly.

"Maybe next time I'll get you something a little sweeter than chocolate."

James bit his tongue so he wouldn't tell her that her mouth would be a sweet enough replacement for candy but the way she smiled at him and winked…the way she sat up confidently…she knew _exactly_ what he wanted from her.

Lily's hand pinched his elbow as she stepped down from the carriage. The look in her green eyes was another promise and suddenly the desire for her body to be near his again was inescapable.

No one noticed their little exchange. Lily and James positioned themselves to be next to each other as the crowd filed towards the town filled with shops. Doors were open to the most popular places and the crowds got thinner the deeper into Hogsmede that James' feet carried him. He purposely drug his feet along, allowing everyone to walk ahead. Sirius led a large group into zonkos, shouting for James and Lily to catch up.

Lily's pinky caught his and she pulled lightly as they walked through the doorway of the shop. With the slightest movement of her finger against his skin she led him towards a row of fanged frisbees where they stood shoulder to shoulder staring at the frisbees as if they were going to select one of the blue painted toys. Lily turned her chin up to look at him finally. He looked down to match her gaze with equal fervor. Her eyes were holding him hostage in their quiet isle. The large rows of shelves covered them, allowing them a fleeting moment of privacy.

They got caught up in the quiet moment and her hand wrapped in his as she turned to face him. She pulled his hand into her chest and her eyes shone at him, practically burning in his direction.

"Lily! James!"

Their friends had found their quiet aisle and their hands ripped apart, all eyes were on them and it was no longer safe to dream fearlessly.

"Let's go!" Peter demanded, caring a large bag of tricks and pranks bought in the shop, "Honeydukes is giving away free fudge!"

Lily send James a yearning look as she followed the others out the door of the joke shop. His heart was pounding in his ears.

Honeydukes, the only sweetshop in town, was packed to the brim. Because of the free fudge promised, the line wrapped around the other building. The group of gryffindors got into line behind a small group of Hufflepuffs singing loudly over their butterbeers. James leaned up against the wall of the sweets shop, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Around him conversations were struck up. Someone offered to go get butterbeer for everyone waiting for fudge. Lily stood three people ahead of James but she kept glancing 'round his way.

The third time Lily looked back James caught her eye and watched as she got out of line, walking slowly away through the throng of students all vying for some fudge. No one noticed her sudden leave, it was so crowded. James leaned up and off his wall, ducking behind a curly Ravenclaw and breaking through the crowds in the same direction he'd seen Lily go alone. If Sirius, Remus or Peter saw him duck away none of them called out for him. He was able to slip through students and his hazel eyes scanned over the crowd for a flash of red hair.

He was passing the camera shop next door to Honeydukes when a hand grabbed his elbow and pulled him into the dark alleyway. Her arms looped around his neck as their eyes met in the brick lined alley. His heart skipped as she leaned on her tiptoes and her nose brushed against his cheek so she could place her lips near his ear. She'd gotten him alone _finally_ and the feeling was so freeing. James felt like he was flying as she whispered into his ear.

"Come here often?"

He laughed and she laughed too, the tension lessoning between them. He went from flying to drowning when her fingers looped into his hair and her eyes closed halfway in anticipation. They were both going to get what they wanted. Her name fell from his tongue in the dark confines of their solitude.

" _Lily_."

When he said her name, so clearly and so desperately, her eyes shifted and her fingertips pressed into his neck as she tightened her grip around him.

"James, I like you."

"I like you too."

"More than a best friend should?"

Her confession sounded like a hallelujah chorus and she was so fucking precious when she smiled bashfully from her declaration. His hands didn't waste time as they cupped her cheeks, her skin warm from the red blush creeping along her pale tone. All the pieces fell into place as they leaned towards each other. Anticipation bubbled in his stomach he leaned down to press his lips against hers. His hands guided the curve of her neck to a slighter turn. The change in position allowed their kiss to deepen back into the same kiss he'd been dreaming about. Light flickers of tongue to tongue were making him eager as he nudged Lily with his knees until her back was pressed against the wall.

Lily had always been on the shorter side and James never realized how much taller he was than her until he was bending down to keep his lips attached hers without breaking away. Lily seemed to notice the height difference too because she was leaning on her tiptoes and against the wall. James' hands left her cheeks to trace her braids, his fingertips sliding along her soft hair sensually.

Pressed against the wall, Lily had him right where she wanted him. She kissed him back heartily and her kisses only stopped when her lips ripped away as her feet fell flat against the pavement. James smirked down at her, thinking she was done but she wasn't even _close_ to being done with him.

"You're so god damn _tall_." she complained as she adjusted her position.

"Sorry." he passed the back of his hand along her cheek as she rolled her eyes and made-do with the situation by locking her fingers tightly behind his neck and pulling him down farther.

She sucked against his lower lip lightly before placing a pointed kiss on his jawline. The soft curve of her smile against his neck was a warning that something more was coming. Despite the warning, James still shuddered when Lily's mouth began sweeping along his jaw and her teeth and tongue were making swift work of his neck, just below his ear. She was obviously tired from standing on her tiptoes to snog him properly and was trying to find another way to keep her lips on him without standing on her toes.

James appreciated that she was so eager to continue their rendezvous away from the other Gryffindors but he wasn't satisfied with her lips so far from his own. He'd have to take matters into his own hands. Literally.

James took the tempting step towards her, pressing her back against the wall even more firmly before using one of his hands and sliding his fingertips to her side. He stopped his progression when her teeth grazed his chin and she stood back up on her tiptoes and smashed her mouth against his desperately. Her kisses were hot and her tongue was exploring the curves of his mouth as much as he could let it. He had so many immoral thoughts cross his mind as she drug her teeth along his bottom lip when her tongue had grown bored and the thoughts only deepened when she lifted her leg around his. They both groaned softly as more space between them was eliminated and they both became aware of how much they were craving each other.

James kissed Lily like it was the first and last time. Her other leg wrapped itself around him tightly and James responded by placing both hands on either side of her, gripping her legs to keep her in place against him. Their kisses turned slow and heated, both of them testing just far far the other was willing to go. It seemed they were both willing to go as far as they could in a public place without undressing each other in the alley.

Voices drifted into the dark alleyway from the streets but James couldn't make anything out with Lily sighing and whimpering against him. He assumed that if anyone did turn down the alleyway they would have enough tact to turn around and head back they way they'd come. James wasn't going to let this moment end so soon, not with her body so attentive against his own.

There was no no going back, they'd crossed the line of friendship. They'd gone too far to ever turn back now. James didn't mind at all, especially not when (without warning) Lily's hips thrust into James' in a way that was more appropriate for under the covers of his fourposter than in the alleyway of a student filled Hogsmede.

" _Lily_." his fingernails dug into her thighs as she grinned into his distracted kiss.

She sweetly spoke his name in return when his hips rolled back into hers in response to the fragile heat developing between them. James could've cared less that anyone could walk into the alley as her fingernails drug down his back sensually. It might've been dark in their hidden spot but Lily made the world around James seem to light up.

Every confusing moment with Lily the last week and a half had led him to this amazing dream come true. The entire movie-like snogging session had Lily _fucking_ Evans practically smothering him in a dark alley, her back pressed heatedly into a brick wall as they kissed each other until their lips were bright red and he no longer tasted anything but her.

Sheer satisfaction hung in the air when he finally broke their kisses so that he could take a moment to breathe in a way other than the short gasps he had been doing against her lips. Lily's dress was hitched up and his thumb traced patterns on her skin touching the trim as he stared at her, wondering if he ought to speak first. He didn't think he could, not with her hips leaning into his so intentionally. Her eyes fluttered at him so vividly that it seemed like they were hypnotizing.

Lily seemed just as dazed and blissfully happy as James. Her fingers had wrapped into the hair at the nape of his neck and she lazily leaned forward to press a kiss against his nose. He couldn't explain the rushing noise in his head when she pulled away from her chaste kiss to beam at him again. Everything about her just felt… _good_.

Slowly, Lily unattached herself from James and they both returned to their normal colorations. James couldn't resist tracing her collarbone as they stood together, both of them avoiding going back out into the busy streets where everyone would see them. Lily's hands kept finding their way back to his hair and she calmly followed his lead into the light.

Their absence had gone unnoticed by their friends but their entwined hands did not go unnoticed after some time walking around the quill shop. Heading for the crowded pub was when Sirius made a comment about their hands being entwined. Lily provided Sirius a wink and James felt like he was walking on cloud nine when Sirius and Lily high-fived—it was like Lily heatedly snogging James in a dark alleyway had been expected by the others.

Life went on, as if there hadn't been a week and a half of romantic suspense between the couple.

Lily sat next to James at dinner and he finished her potatoes. Sirius challenged James to a match on the chessboard by the fireplace while Lily did homework quietly beside them. James kissed Lily on the boys staircase until well after curfew, obsessed with the feeling of her hands wound up in his hair. Lily smiled at him through the darkness, pressing her forehead to his. James felt like he was on fire under her gaze and his stomach churned as her fingers traced his lips. He knew the feeling in the pit of his stomach, the one that made him feel like he was simultaneously flying and falling all at once.

He was in love.


End file.
